Another student, Burke, was like that too — a very relationship-oriented young man, and they both found hookup culture unsuited to them.There were male students who were deeply religious and who did not think what was happening was moral, and one changed his mind about that.They eventually meet up in person again at his request, and Tiq is actually trying to find out if she really likes him, so they can date, but he gets burned.Tiq is so brave to be the one to say that — even by Farah’s own account she was meaner to him than he was to her. After graduation she was still having an incredibly difficult time opening up to men.She also did follow-ups on students who participated in her course after they graduated.And she toured 24 colleges to present her research and question students about it to compare notes.Wade also talked to college employees and grad students in sexuality research, and consulted existing research on hookup culture, including surveys of 24,000 college students’ sexual behavior from 2005 to 2011 by sociologist Paula England.The results of that deep dive allowed Wade to obliterate two pervasive, relentless myths about college students and meaningless sex: That everyone is hooking up, and that everyone likes it.
Through this experience, he grew up and realized women were people, and made great female friends and thrived in that sense.
So, broadly, some men on campus don’t feel comfortable with the competitive or disconnected relationship to sexuality that’s part of hookup culture. He was this very — he called himself a romantic — a very sweet person and he did not take well the rules that men must be sort of hard and unfeeling in casual sex.
He told me, “I just cannot behave that way.” He only wanted to have sex in the context of genuine, real connection with another human being.
The other, Arman, he ended up participating in hookup culture, but because he was kind of a deer in headlights — an international student — and didn’t have the wherewithal to stay out of the way of hookup culture, he ended up feeling racked with guilt because it was not what he thought was right.
There was Javier, who was Latino and a little chubby, who felt like no one would have him.
And you have men like Hiro, who is bisexual and absolutely thrived in hookup culture.