It is as if my buddy Joe's unconfirmed, unsubstantiated, off-the-record barroom trash talk went right to the front pages of the Old Gray Lady and the rest.There are three actual facts we know: She swore it didn't happen, he swore it didn't happen, and there are some tapes out there on which she says it did. Don't kid yourself, this isn't about perjury, it's about blowjobs. Barracuda frequently haunt the nether regions of scuba boats, hoping they're fishing boats, and position themselves within jaws' reach of any caught game.Although I will admit to an odd weave of loathing and envy when I watch the blabbocracy breathlessly weighing in—Hey, I think, they don't even know this chick. A warm patch of water in an otherwise chilly ocean.
Between my former colleague Maloni and me, we could only scrape together three of the requisite four quarters. I didn't work her over for her opinions on Netanyahu, the emotional residue from her parents' split, any of that.But I am not my brother, and it didn't take long—about a second, actually—for me to go from glimpsing the Caymanian Compass to joining my fellow townies in an obsession.I couldn't watch enough airport-bar CNN-blaring televisions. When the gong of scandal ringeth, count on me to be the first in line for the hanging, salivating in expectation of the next tidbit." He seemed far more crazed than she, but even if the whole thing is unadulterated bullion, I still feel sorry for her.3.) As most of us believe, it was some hazy amalgam of the first two choices, a disconcerting land where Chuck Robb's oral-sex-is-OK rules and Monica was addled by a close brush with power. No matter which curtain you pick, there are dozens of people I've met in this town with empty, self-serving, loathsome characters who deserve life-ruining scandals long before Monica does.You tend not to spend too much time contemplating Tim Russert's innermost thoughts when you're 100 feet under water, breathing through a narrow tube, soaring past the ocean wall in slow motion, staring at 200-year-old sea tortoises, parrot fish, and coral that have no concern for love or career.