He is also author of the book “The Science of Happily Ever After.” Welcome, Dr. Is that really the best advice or is there a better way to go about it? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with following your heart. I think we can overthink it if we’re not careful so we don’t want to, we don’t want to kill the romance or kill the heart part of it with the head.
But I do think that people can probably benefit from using their head just a little bit more when it comes to really one of the most important decisions they’ll make, which is who they choose to be with for the rest of their life. Can you talk about how their head needs to become involved in finding the right person? Yeah, well I think it’s hard to get your head involved when you’re with a new person.
When we fall in that passionate love, we get the butterflies in the stomach, your head is spinning, it’s really hard to be rational and measured about things and have good foresight.
I think actually in between relationships is a great time – and there you have these great windows of clarity where you can reflect upon what’s worked or what hasn't worked in previous relationships.
Ty Tashiro : Sure, well, one example we give in “The Science of Happily Ever After” is personality traits and personality is great because it’s really how we just described who people are and so it’s a nice intuitive, native kind of thing that we can discern with a good amount of accuracy if we’re not falling in love with somebody. And the good news about that is your friends and family are pretty good judges of personality traits of your partner or of people they don’t know very well they can pick up on personality traits pretty accurately in a relatively short amount of time.
And so you take something like agreeableness or kindness, for example, that’s a great predictor of long-term stability and satisfaction.
Ty Tashiro, Ph D, is author of the book “The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love.” He was awarded Professor of the Year at the University of Colorado and University of Maryland and he has been published in top-tier academic journals, including .
Tashiro is an expert on relationship breakups, enhancing long-term relationships and online dating.
Online dating’s great so as far as data collection because people can actually watch behaviors so instead of just asking on a self-report “What do you want? ” they’re able to say, “Hey this is what people actually did when they were online.” And there is a great thing that just came out of Ok Cupid showing how much of the proportion of time people spend on profile pictures and how strongly that correlated with people that they messaged and really at a rate that was a little disheartening. We get away from the dating, we get on, we finally meet someone, we’re happy. Sometimes, when they’re dating or sometimes when they’re newlyweds and follow them for seven, 10, 13 years and we can see what early predictors were there that predicted who would be satisfied and stable in their relationships.So let’s say there’s someone who wants a man who’s tall and to him or her that means he’s 6-foot or taller.Well, only 20 percent of men in the United States meet that criteria.So you can see after three wishes for traits, you really eliminate a lot of possibilities. It actually cuts out a lot of people that might have had traits that you really wanted.Audrey Hamilton : So those are the odds behind why you just can’t find the right, the right person? Audrey Hamilton : Do you encourage people to do the online dating, those websites, or what’s your opinion on how those work?Audrey Hamilton : This leads into what you’re talking about the three wishes within which you’re choosing someone to be with. You know, is there not one perfect person for everyone, that fairy tale romance? You never know what the evidence is against it, I guess.