This should be time you have alone perhaps when the children are in bed and to make sure it is distraction free (with the computer and TV turned off).
In addition, try to have at least one special evening a week when you get a baby-sitter when you can do some new things together. The biggest prize of a successful marriage is closeness and intimacy – which allow a couple to accept and support one another on a deep level.
I feel a bit betrayed and worry about whether I can trust him.
When I spoke to him again about it, he did apologise and said he won’t do it again but he then came out with a load of stuff about how unhappy he was in the marriage, that we never spend time together (which is true), but I don’t think it is fair for him to blame me.
Moving forward In the aftermath of discovering your husband’s online world, it is perfectly understandable that you might feel disgusted and betrayed and to worry as to how much you can trust your husband.
You might benefit from going to counselling especially if you feel traumatised and need to the help of an impartial listener to process some of the feelings.
There is a good chance of success for the two of you, if your husband accepts responsibility for what he has done and if the two of you are willing to work hard on improving your marriage.
To move forward, it is important that you continue to talk to your husband and try to understand the extent of his difficulties and what the underlying issues are for him.
At the heart of the problem of online “infidelity” is the fact that it is usually done in secret and without the partner’s knowledge – even with infrequent access this secrecy can reduce the intimacy between the couple and can be a first step on the road to bigger betrayals.
Improving the marriage The discovery of your husband’s online world is a crisis in your marriage but it can also represent an opportunity.
You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.
A second issue for a marriage is that one partner turns to the internet for flirting and sexual excitement rather than to their partner.